a LITTLE [Look In The Timeless Loser's Eyes]

Day 28:

2010-04-11T20:11:00.000-07:00

Today has been quite the relaxer. Slim homework and a lot of sleep. Moms been gone since Friday and will remain gone till Tuesday. The fast-effect hasn't been that bad as of late either. It's just times like this where I don't have much else to do that makes me start thinking about facebook, texting, and everything else.
I took my "friend" Lauren to her prom last night. I caller her my "friend" for the pure fact I don't date because I feel there is no point at this age yet if anyone had to describe my relationship with her, she would classify as my girlfriend. I'm sure she would be pissed if she found out I was "talking" to another female so this might actually be true. Her prom was BOMBB tho. Maybe thats just because I got a lapdance and worked all night lol. Oh yea, it was nice seeing her too lol =P
I had a 5ft conversation with some friends. (I say 5ft because it wasn't quite deep or shallow) We were talking about love and purity, both of which I have different opinions about from most teens. They were surprised when I said the only woman I love is my mom because no one else has done enough for me to love them. I didn't think anyone in their teens could really know what love is anyways. They were laughin and saying that I sounded like some girl in the past has hurt me. Believe me, the girls I dated in the past couldn't hurt me if I showed them how to. But in conclusion, they respected my ideas and it made sense to them but they probably just think I'm more of a weird person.
I'm starting to rethink what I said. What if I'm passing up on a person that I do love but am just scared to say it because I'm not sure how I feel. She doesn't deserve that. I don't want to be naive in what I say but I don't want to lie to her or myself. Maybe I just don't want to be tied down. I guess no one knows. I'll tell her soon.

Listening to: Infokill - Company Flow

Day Twenty:

2010-04-03T22:58:00.000-07:00

The official half-way make of the fast. Hard to believe I'm half way done but scared to think I basically have to endure it again. I got back from my black college tour thingy yesterday. It was kool. Kool kids, kool campuses, etc. DID NOT USE MY IPOD ON ANY OF THE 3+ HR PLANE RIDES. High fives for Vance. Now the only thing left is to decide between Howard and Morehouse..
It's like...if I go to Morehouse, I have remnants of my Cali life but if I go to DC then I'll be forced to start all over. I still can't decide which is better. Try and hang on to what I had before I left...or take the opprotunity to start over.

There was a boy named Jordan. Jordan was always fascinated with flying and how things could stay in the air regardless of the force pushing down on them. Only being 12, This fascination had been with him for as long as he could remember. He always thought and attempted different ways to keep something in the air and soon looked for keeping something airborne without the need for technology. With this fascination came a town of people who had told him his methods were impossible. They called him crazy and labeled him an outcast for his trivial passion. He ignored them. Jordan remembered one of his teachers who always stressed discipline. She used to say, "With discipline of your mind, anything is possible...you control the instruments, the instruments don't control you." Jordan took these words to heart and remembered it as he formulated ways to rise above. One day, he called everyone in town to join him at the top of a cliff above the sea for the unveiling of his flight solution. The community gathered and circulated their negative thoughts as they waited for his pointless presentation. Jordan did nothing, but stand near the edge and look and the growing crowd. Soon, he quieted the bunch as he began to back up to the edge. Many, at first thought he was joking but soon became more concerned with each step backwards. Finally when he could back up no more, Jordan closed his eyes. He thought of his teacher and her saying, "With discipline of your mind, anything is possible." Jordan let out a sigh before he smiled and began to fall back into the nothingness before the people could save him. As he fell, he was neither scared nor doubtful but the town atop the cliff could only scream of the horror as they say his careless body descend out of sight...
The next morning, Jordan's mother goes for a walk to mourn her son but finds herself openly cursing her town and their apathy towards him. Many come out of their homes to console her inconsolable heart. She yells for them to release her but all she is able to manage is a cry to God as she looked to the sky. Just then, she is overcome with silence and a wave of unbelief. She believes her eyes are liars; a product of wishful thinking. People restraining her become confused of her sudden silence and soon look to where her eyes have become locked. They see a figure above the clouds. It glides majestically through the sky as if there was not a problem in the world yet it is far larger than a bird. Many yell "Angel! Angel!" waiting for the clouds to clear for a better look. The clouds do part but it's not an angel at least, not the one they expected. It is looks down on them and they see a face so similar to the face of their lost 12 year old. It almost seems as if the figure is smiling. As the people are one again puzzled, Jordan's mom stands with glistening eyes and a content smile. She realizes she did in fact, teach him well.

Listening to: Daylight - Aesop Rock

Day Three:

2010-03-18T02:46:00.000-07:00

It's f'n late. Just finished with my homework on account of me getting home at 11. The blame is on my dad. I've been seriously considering breaking my ipod fast during my black college tour. It's suicide; six hours on African-American Airlines (Southwest) and nothing but my notebook probably? I mean...I can write myself to sleep but if that writer's block slips in, I'm done. Another realization came today; vanity is everything. Everything I have is more than I need to live so I have no reason to boast or put my nose in the air. This also means that...I have no reason to be sad either. If I've been blessed with this much, why should I mentally perish because a few things are taken away? (this contradicts my ipod decision if you haven't noticed) Today, was just...not the day.

On another note, if you ask a girl to prom and she says, "I have to ask my dad"...that's already awk in itself but if you continue to wait only for her to say, "You have to talk to my dad before I can say yes or no"...that's ridiculous. It's like, "I'm taking YOU to prom, not your dad." -___-

Internal Influence

The many within me
lace my consciousness
the ventriloquists that tie
together my common sense
Most times the reference is
singular, sometimes plural
Past ideas now shredded
and a mind state left rural
Immortal entities that
cannot be kept at bay
and the controlled-master
can only hope for the day
these same people
housed within his head
are the same voices
now are pronounced dead

Listening to: Last Good Sleep - Company Flow

Day Two:

2010-03-16T21:56:00.000-07:00

I've noticed how much I've taken advantage that I did not include being on the phone as apart of my fast. Lol it's moderated though. I feel like I'll only get over these remaining 38 days when I figure out how to stop caring i.e. let go. As of right now, I only feel like I keep messing up good things which seems to be a talent of mine. I think I love a girl but I can't bring myself to say it because I doubt I can know what love is at this age. Only He knows. Day two was a bit more of a challenge because I entertained the thought of my 10hr plane ride to Atlanta that I must endure without my Ipod. Whatever. Cracking is not allowed.

Talent.

My world is golden, Aesop's
geese and Midas's touch
my head is steel, an internal
beast and reckless punch
Technicolor becomes gray
where ever my fingers lay
everything then fruitful
and ripe slowly rots away
Everything becomes nothing
through a steady decay
life's worshiped little things
are worse when they disintegrate
I sneeze dysfunction
in addition to particles of sickness
I can cough a genuine mishap
contagious, everyone's a witness
My thoughts physically
manifest as toxic smog
black smoke, gunpowder,
and greenhouse gases raw
Apathy is my tomorrow
Caring was my yesterday
my heart looked past Medusa's
snakes, to every detail of her face
Love from the people fills
their necks with cursed needles
and embracing my compassion
is a deadly action
Depression drips when it rains
as I'm stalked by overcast killer
sun rays wont break through
if my rain cloud gets much bigger

Listening to: Death of Regret - Cryptic One

Day One:

2010-03-15T23:24:00.000-07:00

Today was the beginning of my 40 day fast from...just about everything I have to much of i.e. texting, excessive food, my ipod, aim/skype, and Facebook. Purpose: to strengthen my relationship with God and short out my dependence on material things.
Today wasn't as difficult as I thought but I honestly cannot see doing 39 more days of this. I was thinking about listening to music all day. Currently, I'm thinking of the moment I gave my ipod to my mom to hide from me. I felt like I was sharing that moment when Jesus knew He had to die, or when Will Smith got in the bath tub during the final moments of 7 Pounds, which I saw hours before the fast began. Definitely got me in the sacrificial mood. I did however come to a clever conclusion with the help of my grandmother: Control is in human nature. We need to let go of the handles and enjoy the ride without fear of falling.
Cracking is not allowed.

Listening to: Lost - Cool Calm Pete

Thoughts at the Universe's Edge

2010-03-13T23:20:00.000-08:00

The fact that life is a play
and every Act is humble
makes Home Sweet Home in one's head
even if it crumbles
Now there's free fall, so routine
at this point it feels right
Remembering the darkest days
In the brightness of the night
Thinking of the map to heaven
religion, or a well-known myth
Amicably looking for something
which normally does not exist
Seeking the chase in
apologetic ways
Running from the all
as all else preys

Listening to: Aesop Rock - Boombox

Word of Mouth.

2010-03-09T00:03:00.000-08:00

I heard love was ignorance
alluding to its bliss
I heard love as a hollow phrase
endlessly dripping from lips
I heard love descended from
a place far above the clouds
cradled in two hands, being
the most fragile of gifts
I heard love fighting lust
in cardiovascular battles
upon the times it's realized
both cannot harmonically fit
I heard love was made in sex
I heard love was also lost in this
I heard love will always hit
I heard love was always missed
I heard love from the mouth
of my own Ms.
I heard love in it's entirety
in the truth of her one kiss

Yup. It's corny.

Valentine Lines.

2010-02-14T22:25:00.000-08:00

In response to my last blog:

I know this girl not around the way
her moms calls her lauren but I say Lanai
Maybe the a relationship can see the day
The day I get Big, I can call her Faith
Swear she can't get enough, saying I'm the one she loves
But I can't say the same like the phrase won't budge
And simply, she's the main one that tempts me
from all the dark movies to walks on the city
from putting my mouth on foreign mounds
to lettin fingers wander too far down
But whatever happened, happened and I can't afford to fret
Just a runaway slave that can't buy shackles of regrets...

Now onto my church girl, first girl gabby
eighth grade bible study I was shy and she was lovely
Passing notes hoping that no one would see
writing equal signs and a capital P
fast-forward to eleventh and I'm textin in class
She asks if I should be focused learning some math
Now small talks come to me asking about guys
And all the ones she allows to fill her mind
She describes the only one and I ask who
She asks if I'm stupid and says why ol' you
And the rest isn't history, never heard that she's missing me
Strictly serving hugs, don't want her kissing me
Because the day that she does her dad will be killin me
then my pictures on the news and my whereabouts, a mystery
Currently its hurtin me but it's a small price to pay
but if time plays its part I'll have to let it blaze...

Yet if there was one girl on which I misused trust
Hands down it was you emarvelous...

Listening to: Intro - Murs

Sorry Ladies.

2010-02-13T23:37:00.000-08:00

I've realized that I won't allow myself to get too close to a woman at the present time, especially if I think she's attractive. I think it's a collection of me most likely going off to school, being attracted to other girls, and also not trying to deal with all the drama that comes with it. Don't have time for all of it...

Listening to: Streets on Fire - Lupe Fiasco

You remembered me.

2010-02-08T22:48:00.000-08:00

Dear Betty,

Thx. I came in having doubts about if it would help but I left not knowing why I thought it wouldn't. Half of us don't think our dads weren't sufficient so who am I to look for an excuse to fail, right? Hopefully you'll teach me what to do with this luggage now lol. More sessions to come, hopefully.

Sincerely,

Vance

Listening to: Never Fallin - Living Legends

I feel bad.

2010-02-06T22:20:00.000-08:00

It's a tragedy how the movie industry plays women sometimes. They will actively look for an unbelievably ugly girl to play an unattractive girl in their movies.
Of course you feel like a star but at the end of the day...you're still ugly.
Its just the whole world knows you are now.

Listening to: Sad - Hangar 18

Report Card [1st Semester]

2010-02-06T19:41:00.000-08:00

H Physics: B E E
H Econ: B E E
Spanish 3: C E E
AP Lit: B U E
Calc: C E E

And best believe I will still act suprised when my parents get it.

Listening to: Face Down - Molemen

Dear Betty,

2010-02-05T23:04:00.000-08:00

It's getting bad. I remember when I first came to you at 8yr. It as because my parents were arguing too much and it was scaring me. Those were simple times. My life was linear; nothing but simple answers and one outcome. You told me my problems were clothes and my head was a suitcase. You said I couldn't keep stuffing this suitcase but I had to free up room and let these things be expressed or else...it'll bust open.

I wish I wasn't so disobedient Betty. I honestly do, no matter how much it may seem like I think the exact opposite. It's been about a decade since you told me that. My life seems to be more and more exponential. Upon stress, I learn more and more about past family events, the ones they don't tell you for a reason. I've stopped caring about everything from school to opinions. It is truly what gets me by most times. One day I wondered which side of the sanity spectrum I was on, 100% normal or completely crazy because I know for a fact I am no where in the middle. My suitcase is just about at capacity and I feel something is going to happen that frees it. I need another talk.

Sincerely,

Vance

Listening to: Linda Tripp - Company Flow

Five Star, Playboy.

2010-01-23T18:31:00.000-08:00

....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Ok, so I guess I'll be the one to ask it............TF were u thinking???

Listening to: Golden Boys - Res

Life of THUGS

2010-01-06T03:12:00.000-08:00

1. I. just went to the store with my gas light on. THUG LIFE

2. I jus left a restaurant paying for my meal, but not the tip. THUG LIFE

3. I just left wendy and told the cashier I WONT have a nice day. THUG LIFE

4. A stranger asked how I was doing. I responded "better than you." THUG LIFE

5. Im cold but i sleep on top of the covers. THUG LIFE

6. I went to the corner store to buy some candy...it cost 1.09 and I gave him a 1.08 n walked out. THUG LIFE

7. I get picture comments saying I'm cute. I never say thanks. THUG LIFE

8. I was goin 70 in a 70mph zone, then I seen a cop and sped up to 72. THUG LIFE

9. I got tired of aiming and simply closed my laptop on the conversation. THUG LIFE

10. I went to mcdonalds and waited til they called someones order I liked,I went to get it, and they said "is this ur order" and I said "hell nah" and left. THUG LIFE

11. I flip monopoly boards when I loose. THUG LIFE

12. I watch yo gabba gabba wit my nieces then bump lil wayne in the car to the function. THUG LIFE

13. I don't look away when I'm staring in space at someone and they notice. THUG LIFE

14. Im scared of pain so I use sharpies and draw out my tattoos. THUG LIFE

15. I found out I wasn't going to be able to graduate with my class. I went to a function later that night. THUG LIFE

16. I went to chick fillet and said "bitch gimmie a chicken sandwich and some waffle fries!...for FREE!" and she did. THUG LIFE

17. I tell my friends I have to go because Im tired. I stay up for another two hours. THUG LIFE

Props the the Vance-Brittany Colabo.

Listening to: Got What You Need - Gemini

New Year.

2010-01-03T00:33:00.000-08:00

Same Me.

Listening to: Nada. Vchattin w/Destiny

Ladies...

2009-12-24T19:14:00.001-08:00

Stop dumping your problems and life stories on other guys.

If it's one in the morning, don't send me an aim about how you feel like everyone is against you and you can't sleep. -.-
I'm not sure but, I don't think my name is Dr.Phil...

Listening to: Attention Span - Aesop Rock

Dont Add Me. (DAM)

2009-12-23T23:28:00.000-08:00

Responses to Unnecessary Friend Requests:

1. Dude, I picked up the pencil you dropped in class. DAM

2. I know your son/daughter, not you. DAM

3. I know you hang in my circle some days, but you barely talk. DAM

4. You told me a funny joke. I did laugh, however I still don't know you. DAM

5. I just sit next to you in math class. DAM

6. I saw you one time out of school at the mall. I waved. DAM

7. We just have the same last name. DAM

8. I sat next to you on the bus one day this week. DAM

9. I had the same math class as you in 7th grade. DAM

10. You're 50+. DAM

11. I commented on your friend's picture that you happened to be tagged in. DAM

12. You came over my house with your parents. We met. That's it. DAM.

13. I happen to be your girlfriend's friend and your a worried boyfriend. DAM.

14. You just need a variety of people from different schools on your friend list. DAM.

15. You heard one of your friends has a crush on me and you're nosy. DAM.

More to come...

Listening to: And Then What - Jeezy

Too Soft.

2009-12-23T22:48:00.001-08:00

I know this isn't Twitter but...

I'm currently trying to cut this overly soft pie...
and it keeps breaking.
The pie is currently in the freezer to harden.

God knows I just regained my ability to eat again. He must be laughing.

Listening to: A Millie - Lil Wayne

So..

2009-12-22T11:22:00.000-08:00

I haven't had a haircut in months. My hair is ridiculously nappy. I know it's bad because I had a dream last night that some middle age crackhead looking black guy said " You need a hair cut bad boy!! Let me get you a brush or something, shit." out of anger.

Now, since my dreams are all in my head and made from my own thoughts and feelings...

...

....I legitimately dissed myself hard for having nappy ass hair.

Listening to: Wonder Woman - Trey Songz

Wisdomless.

2009-12-21T14:42:00.000-08:00

I got my wisdom teeth taken out on Friday.
People told me it wouldn't be that bad. I was naive believed them.
Now I'm trapped in my bed eating "cream of wheat" and oatmeal, watching seemingly every food commercial on TV and dieing inside. This must be a watered down version of Hell.

I can only recall bits and pieces of Friday, the day they were extracted. I remember lying in the chair and getting hit with the needle. The doctor and I then had a conversation about the movie "Awake." He proceeded to ask me how I was feeling and I replied that I didn't really feel anything. That is the last thing I remember prior to the surgery.

Everything after that is a blur. It's quite fascinating the more I think about it. I remember asking my mom if I had a "droop lip" since my bottom lip felt huge and numb. The next thing I know, I'm in my bed at home, going to sleep. Everything since then has consisted of passing each day by sleep and movies.

I can tell it's going to be a bomb winter breakk ^.^

Listening to: P.O.S. is ruining my life - P.O.S.

Mackitis.

2009-12-05T02:23:00.000-08:00

People who don't have macbooks get wayyy crazy with other macbooks, especially if it's their friend's.

Taking a million pictures with photobooth....using every effect possible.
Going on aim and trying to strike up conversation even if they just have four friends online.
Asking how to make movies.
Using ridiculous widgets......like the ones that shouldn't even exist.
Getting amazed and engaged which your video chat and trying to talk to your friend as well.
Telling you the hows and whys they're going to get one soon.

Quite funny. (Facts inspired by D.Lewis)
Peace&Steez.

Listening to: Say Yeah - Wiz Khalifa

Dry Coupons.

2009-12-04T00:07:00.000-08:00

Prelude: I'm the only black person in most of my classes.

I'm sleep in Calculus. I later wake up with the thought of "Crap, I'm still in calculus." No sooner than I put my head up, I get a tap on my arm. The guy in the seat behind me hands me a coupon for a $7.99 8-piece at KFC. While he's trying to laugh silently, I have two thoughts running through my head...

1. Stand up, making a scene of course, and then further prove to them that us darkies have no sense.
2. Calmly, had back the coupon with a smile.

I chose the latter. It ended up being from my friend Matt, another white gentleman who of course thinks racist jokes are funny....sadly ,I do as well.

Listening to: Watchyoself - Hangar 18

Sick of Nothingness.

2009-12-01T22:36:00.000-08:00

Been stuck on a lot of thoughts lately, mostly college. Not surprising. With my school choices, I can't help but feel that my last four years of high school have been in vain. I always wanted to be able to say "Hey, I wanna go to Stanford but if I'm lazy, I'll just apply to a UC." Didn't happen. At the same time, I'm thankful I've gotten what I deserved because this feeling would frankly be worse in the previous scenario.

Everything I do, Everything I witness, Everything I encounter is inevitably going to be lost. One day, I'll die and the world will keep spinning as if it didn't notice. All that I've ever achieved will be long forgotten. Even further along, my own flesh and blood won't even know my name. Generations will only concern themselves with their world at that day, just as I did.
So to put it in perspective...really, how great is anything we accomplish??

Listening to: Half-Life - Crpytic One

Infatuation Phases.

2009-11-25T14:43:00.000-08:00

Pretty much the life to any teen relationship.
It is also the death of them.

I feel it's been the foundation of mine.

Life, just my learning experience...

Listening to: Mary Jane - Rick James

Perception.

2009-11-24T23:23:00.000-08:00

I thought, therefore I am.

Started reading a book at my grandad's about the brain and the mind.
(brain=neurology, mind=psychology)
Expect more posts.

Listening to: Slow Sex - El-P

On Point.

2009-11-24T22:22:00.000-08:00

So Lanai told me about a song her class sang when her lazy-eye substitute came in.
Melody: Why - Michael Jackson

Why, why,
Why does my right eye go to the

Right, right
Why does it do me that way?

Why, why,
Why do the kids make fun of my

Right, eye
Why do they do me that way

MYYYYY RIGHTTTT EYEEEEEEEE

Listening to: Roaches&Rats - Outkast

NEW MOON.

2009-11-23T21:13:00.000-08:00

Sooo corny.
Very much a "teenager" movie.

Call me a hater
Call me a faker
But New Moon will
get none of my paper

Peace&Steez

Listening to: Peeranoia - Cage

It's Sunday.

2009-11-22T08:10:00.000-08:00

On my way to church.

I can't stop listening to Wasted.

No good. Peace&Steez

Listening to: Wasted - Gucci Mane

Plies...

2009-11-21T21:33:00.000-08:00

Always depended upon to make a wack song worse.

Listening to: Maximize 3rd Eyes - Souls of Mischeif

Child Abduction is not Funny - South Park

2009-11-21T21:29:00.000-08:00

Hopefully South Park fans found this as funny as I did.
City Wok Ftw

Listening to: Big Poppa - Notorious B.I.G.

So Mislead.

2009-11-21T21:05:00.000-08:00

I get emails from zinch.com mostly about scholarships but sometimes colleges "show love" if they like my profile and consider me a candidate. This is not an advertisement and this is not a recommendation. I am simply recounting an interesting event from today. This is my story:

"BAH BAHH" -Law & Order scene change sound

I was checking my email and I noticed that zinch sent me an email saying I got love from CORNELL. I refreshed my page thinking that there was some mistake in the universe and refreshing pages solves it. It was still there after. I start sweating a bit. I look up information on the admissions for Cornell. I am amazed that this college believes I'm a potential student. I later learn that there is the renowned Cornell University in Ithaca and the a-bit-above-average Cornell college in Mt.Vernon. I log into zinch to see which emailed me.
The address contained Mount Vernon.
Apparently my perspiration was in vain.

Listening to: The Beginning is the End is the Beginning - Smashing Pumpkins

Conclusions.

2009-11-20T06:06:00.000-08:00

I've come to the realization that one day, someone I know will read my entries. This can only happen if I make it known they exist. When I do that, I can finally say I don't care about what people think about me.

One Day.
Peace&Steez.

Listening to: Pressure - Lupe Fiasco

"what's on your mind?"

2009-11-20T06:01:00.000-08:00

STOP

TRYING

TO BE PROFOUND

IN FACEBOOK STATUSES

Had to get my Devan on w/that one. I'm hating...

Peace&Steezzz

Listening to: Geto Boys - My Mind Playin Tricks on Me

Happy Birthday.

2009-11-07T01:35:00.000-08:00

Yes, today is in fact the day of my birth. The same day as SAT testing. The same day as my swim team's camping trip. The same day as homecoming. The same weekend I have four sections of math homework. The same weekend I have four sections of economics homework. The same weekend I have to read two sections in physics. The same weekend I have to touch up a presentation for my spanish class.
[MLIR] my life is ridiculous.
...Peace&Steez

Listening to: I Never Knew You - Cage

Returning.

2009-11-05T00:42:00.000-08:00

Got a little catching up to do...
=)

Listening to: Juvenile Techniques - Company Flow

MWH

2009-07-09T23:13:00.000-07:00

Started my intern job on Tuesday. People are way nice and the other 2 interns I'm working w/ are pretty chill. Marco and Aurora. Kool peeps. Not much to say yet. Something might turn up tho. Either way, I'm getting paid =D

Listening to: I Never Knew You - Cage (still)

Depart From Me - Cage

2009-07-09T23:04:00.000-07:00

1. Beat Kids

2. I Never Knew You

3. Eating It's Way Out of Me

4. Depart From Me

5. Katie's Song

6. Look at What you Did

7. I Lost it in Haverton

8. I Found my Mind in Connecticut

Seven best tracks...in that order...in my opinion.

Listening to: Katie's Song - Cage

Independence-Assembled Day.

2009-07-09T22:20:00.000-07:00

Dopee. Finally.
Aight so, saw my "cousin" this year around.
"Cousin": My cousin Gerty married my cousin Rock a while ago. Rock already had a son who already had a daughter. Gerty passed away sadly, but Rock's grandkid, Sylene, and I still see each other. Not my cousin by blood or by law either but...she still feels like one I guess.

She's grown. 15 approaching her freshman year in high school and I'm 16 going into my senior year. Weird...watev. She's far from stupid so don't trip. I had to ask myself too. Almost the second I got there, a repeat of the years before happened; Wherever I would go, she wouldn't b far bhind. Eventually, we ended up walking around the same quiet, almost deserted city block having the awkward conversations that end fast enough to ask "what's next" in your head. It'd come to both of us pushin each other jus light enough to b called flirtin. At this point, I'm scared. I can't do anything stupid like...you know lol. Keeping it PG, right. She hops on my back. Hmm....
In the end the only thing that happens is that I get her digits.... I got my cousin's digits, yay...
Haven't called/txt'd yet. I'll keep u posted. Peace&Steez.

Listening to; I Never Knew You - Cage

Currently:

2009-07-04T14:50:00.000-07:00

Waiting here. Bored. Trying to see what I'm going ot do 2day. If we have a repeat of last yr I'm gonna b pissssed. It's all up to you pops.

Will Vance finally get out the house?? Is his dad gonna pull through and get him to his cousin's?!! Will his cousin even remember him?! Find out on the next blog of alittlev....!!!

Listening to: Failure - Lupe Fiasco

(untitled) #2

2009-07-04T00:04:00.000-07:00

Once again, I feel like writing but have no set subject to drop words upon...
Boredom. That's how this starts rite? Coupled w/the late hours of the night and sum deep music. I do feel a tad philosophic....like I'm fully capable of saying something thought-provoking and true but I'm far from guaranteeing it's going to happen. Btw, whoever's reading this and got this far, good job. If u get the urge to stop here, I doubt u'll be missing much. (not like you're ever missing a lot anyway)
Everything feels new. Maybe it's bcus I finally cleaned my room 2 weeks ago...lol. That's when this mood started. All my households seem better overall, relationships are simplified, the universe just seems overall more peaceful. Hippie-fied. That justifies it.
Does taking a high school relationship seriously set yourself up to b hurt? Or does it open your heart to more affection? I think it does both, u just have to take you chances.
Whyyyy do ppl watch Dr.Phil. 95% of the time, it's pointless; watching a man handle someone else and their problems and you watch just for the sake of being nosy. I can understand the other 5% and them watching because the episode aplies to their life but this is rarely the case for general america. People will pick up an Extra magazine with a cover story about Jon and Kate's divorce but won't bother to look up information on our 8yr war in Iraq. Society as a whole doesn't have a problem with learning, it's just what we choose to learn about.

If you couldn't tell...these are when I rant. Lol.
Anywho, I think the whole "I need to write" feeling has passed and I'm tired so I'll b signing outt. Peace&Steez.

Listening to: [above many] Drive - El-P

Fallacious [fuh-ley-shuhs]

2009-07-03T15:39:00.000-07:00

-adjective

1.	containing a fallacy; logically unsound: fallacious arguments.

2.	deceptive; misleading: fallacious testimony.

3.	disappointing; delusive: a fallacious peace.

The head she gave me was pretty fallacious.

Listening to: Cool Calm Science - Cool Calm Pete (still)

Xactally One Year Ago...

2009-07-03T15:28:00.001-07:00

Marks the fist time I blogged.

Happy anniversary, blog =D

Listening to: Cool Calm Science - Cool Calm Pete

2. My Life is Average

2009-06-29T22:50:00.000-07:00

Today, I was reading a blog and thought of a witty comment to leave. I spent five minutes typing and rephrasing the comment. Then I deleted it for fear of sounding stupid. MLIA.

Today, I ate my gummy bears two at a time. That way they wouldn’t be lonely traveling down to my stomach. MLIA

Listening to: All Black - Big L

Mom said I absolutely cannot bring a white girl home.

2009-06-29T21:13:00.000-07:00

....lol

Not really sure how I feel about that..
No mulatto kids for me..?

Listening to: I Got 5 on It (remix) - Luniz

Pittsburg.

2009-06-29T11:55:00.000-07:00

Got back about four days ago. Beautiful place. Like LA but instead of blocks with nothing but concrete, there are trees and shrubbery. Oh and instead of the black people living in crappy ass housing, most of them actually have big-relatively new houses. FINALLY WENT TO A SONIC. Utter deliciousness...
Peace&Steez

Listening to: Maxine - Eminem

No Pedo.

2009-06-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

OK I know I'm gonna catch hell for saying this but:

I hate when you come across some young girl (YOUNG; like 8) who you knowww is going to b fine when she gets older. And you know you can't wait till she's older because that would make you a complete pedophile. So your just...S.O.L. (shit outta luck) Peace&Steez

Listening to: Boi - Young Problemz

Sunday Car Rides.

2009-06-14T15:25:00.001-07:00

You never realize how profane songs are until you listen to them with people coming from church.

Lol....boosie love.

listening to: I Try - Macy Gray

My Life is Average.

2009-06-14T15:20:00.000-07:00

Today I turned 11. I did not receive a letter from Hogwarts. MLIA

Today, I opened the fridge. There was nothing I wanted to eat in there. After 15 minutes, I opened it again. There still wasn't anything I wanted to eat in there. MLIA

Listening to: Everything Changed - Braille

Far Side (bad food)

2009-06-13T23:08:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Summertime - The Pharcyde

"Below Pigs in the Skies...

2009-06-13T22:48:00.000-07:00

And above a hell in ice."
-HarV

Listening to: Up All Night - El-P

Jarvis.

2009-06-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

This dood on facebook I went to elementary with. Haven't talked to him in years but I keep seeing his face. Everytime I'm looking at sum1's fb or about to add them, he's already friends with them. I'm like..."ok, there's no way you know allll these ppl." It's crazy annoyingg. I'm looking for my cousin in detroit and I see his ass in mutual friends. By no means is this a diss...but damnn. WTF?
So now, I just look through his friends for ppl I know.

Still haven't figured out how to make another $350 this summer.

Listening to: Every Girl - Drake

Almost Foiled.

2009-06-11T22:35:00.000-07:00

Good News: Macbook prices decreased to $1200/ the backlit keyboard is now confirmed on the 13"

Bad News: I'm missing a week of work to go a AAYLP (African American Youth Leadership Program) conference in Sacramento.
That's a week of no pay.
That's a $315 to $350 deduction from my final profit.
That's another obstacle between me and the Mac.
That's...
F@#k

Listening to: Billy Killer - Jean Grae

Titty Breath.

2009-06-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

Aight. 2day was bad...

Prelude: This girl from skool hit me up last night asking if I could do her a favor. I said I wasn't really in the mood but I asked her what it was. She said nvm. Ok, watev. Today, I see her as I'm goin to class. We end up talking about that "favor" from last night and she tells me she wanted me to play with her breasts cus she was horny...... I luv breasts so this was a problem. I leave to continue to class and cannot get her boobs off my mind (she's got gigantuous 1's) I txt her about her ex fully knowing the "favor" would come up.We end up agreeing to meet up at lunch and part of the class after for me to do the "favor."I did abide.

The Point: I got back from Bible study a while ago. I like it a lot actually. Adults say they are impressed by how i find ways to apply God's Word to everyday life. One even calls me the Golden Child. Lol. What they don't know is that the same mouth spewing this so-called knowledge was massaging a nipple about 4hrs prior.
By no means am I proud about this. I need to change...
Peace&Steez.

Listening to: The World is Yours - Nas

Macbook Prices Went Down

2009-06-08T22:47:00.001-07:00

Hallelujah.

Listening to: Block Boi-E-40

Ken Leeeeeeee

2009-06-08T21:41:00.000-07:00

Listening to: Temptations - Tupac

OMG. The New Moon trailer!!

2009-05-31T22:30:00.000-07:00

Twilight. The movie every girl is dying to see again. Haven't seen it. Don't want to. I'll either find it to hav been an utter waste of 3 hrs or I'll actually end up liking it in which case I'd never admit it to myself or anyone else.
Do girls wish their boyfriend was a vampire? Is that what they call sweet and exciting? I'm sure after they read the classic dark tales of vampires it wouldn't be so romantic. Twilight has done no good for my life whatsoever. The only thing that's come of this is a higher expectation for me as a crush/boyfriend. I'm sorry if I don't fight powerful creatures in my spare time.

"Girl, I'ma effin' human. Wtf u want me to do."

Listening to: Smack my Bitch up - Prodigy

Can't Focus, Can't Blog

2009-05-30T21:41:00.001-07:00

=(

Been marinating all day about how to put everything in order to make sure this happens. Nearly woke up this morning with a hard-on dreaming about this computer's slick aluminum and LED screen. It's getting bad lol. Peace&Steez

Listening to: Slap - Ludacris

Good Movie.

2009-05-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

Listening to: T.R.O.Y. - Pete Rock&CL Smooth

Smh.

2009-05-29T22:56:00.000-07:00

'Shaking my head'

Who knew?! (Just found out what it ment)

Listening to: Nobody - Wale

Game Plan:

2009-05-29T22:00:00.000-07:00

Mom's tryna shoot down my dreams. Not gonna happen miss.

I wanna buy a macbook this summer. My grandma just gave me her old semi-sluggish hp computer about a month ago. My 10yr monitor apparently broke so I officially have no monitor for this computer. it's sitting there, getting older and older. My mom couldn't seem to understand why I would want another "computer" if the one I had works just fine. First of all, it currently doesn't work at all right now and if you went to the apple store in the last 5yrs you'd know there's a distinct difference. That's watev though. I'm getting a job this summer. $10/hr max for a 7hr. work day from Jul.6 to Aug.14.
And the idea starts to slowly form...

Method:
Macbook- $1300

Final Summer Income ($1960-$2100)
-Taxes (20%)
($1568-$1680)
-Gas n everything else ($150)
($1418-$1530)
+Sell Grandma computer ($99-$130)

So at this point we're roughly at ($1517-$1660). Not too bad right? Still making a good about of paper. Mayb dig into the bank account a bit so I don't end up spending it all on one thing. If I could sell that broken monitor, that'd be even better. Doubt it though. Either way, it's time to execute. Peace&Steez.

Listening to: Among the Sheep - Cage

"...really..?"

2009-05-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

That "next blog" button is a doozy.

I was clicking away and low and behold I find this...
http://dumpaday.blogspot.com/

....really?

I'm sure you get the point by reading it but if you are feeling curious, go ahead and click. I must warn you, it's not for everyone...if anyone. Peace&Steez.

Listeining to: Wolf Like me - TV on the Radio

Alittlev

2009-05-28T23:48:00.001-07:00

Changed the earl (url as my grandma calls it)

http://www.alittlev.blogspot.com

....ok?

A little: A Look In The Timeless Losers Eyes (So clever)

...wuts the v at the end for?

V: Vance (Even more clever)
made it more personal
Plus "http://alittle.blogspot.com/" was already used...
Wack ass blog. Don't believe me? Look at it and say I'm wrong.
Peace&Steez

Listening to: Battlesong - Deltron 3030

Femme Flirtations

2009-05-28T22:48:00.000-07:00

So I've concluded that most of the girls I'm talking to love to flirt. Now to the average person, this may not strike them as a major issue but I've looked deeper into this...
I act clueless. That's my remedy for this. This method however, is a double-edged sword. When I come across a girl that "likes me" (for lack of a more mature term) I come across as indefinitely not being interested...even if I am. That's no good. Some females get upset w/this in a funny sort of way. I might get the "why didn't you tell me you liked me?!" from a girl that never had thoughts of being w/me. I might also get the "Vance, stop being stupid. She likes you" from a homie to the best friend of the girl. Both of which say there's other fish in the sea when I get turned down. Jokes. And even still, the flirting could continue. Don't get me wrong, guys flirt too, but don't lie and say it's more prevalent amongst us than girls...
Different people have different ways of flirting which is where it gets deluded and confusing. Some get heartbroken when they get that terrible response "Uhh...I do that with all my guy friends??" Lmao.
I always think of this scenario where I think of calling "her" on it:
Vance: Hey uh, can we talk?
Girl: Sure.
Vance: Well...(long pause of thought)... I know we've been hanging out a lot and...(pause)
Girl:...And??
Vance: I mean I was just wondering how you felt about me
Girl: What do you mean? [classic]
Vance: I guess what I'm asking is...are we friends or...something else?
[one of the three things usually happen]
Girl:
a. Oh umm...I have a boyfriend....sorry?
b. Oh...uh Vance your a nice guy and all but I think we should stay friends. I see as more of a brother anyway
c. Oh I have a boyfriend but if I was single I would SO go out with you (yea, i got that before)

Yes, I'm a pessimist of rejection. No, I don't like to take that risk of rejection. And no, I do take rejection well; I just avoid it at all costs. I'm turning over a new leaf though...
In closing,
Doods: Stay strong, and be real with both yourself and significant other in how you feel
Ladies: STOP PLAYING GAMES. BE REAL.
Peace&Steez

Listening to: Below the Heavens pt.1 - Blu

Twitter...

2009-05-28T22:35:00.000-07:00

"WTF..." sums it up I think.

Listening to: Yes You May (remix) - Lord Finesse

4 Earthquakes since Sunday...

2009-05-20T22:02:00.000-07:00

Really mother earth? Really??

Knockin down my Jenga sets all week..

Listening to: Take Two - Vast Aire

Fire Like.

2009-05-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm a disease
Or just a narcotic
Making ladies sick of me
Or fiends if they got it
I once built a relationship
with minimal effort
So instead of love
I simply used the F-Word
Back when I was deployed
on a no-love mission
Wouldn't let cupid clutch
my circulatory system
Like word of mouth, I spread
like that thing in the wild
that only burns out after people
work at it for a while
It used to all be clear and
we were honest with one other
The only thing shallow were the
amount of things undercover
Now your like pigs, shielding
feelings with straw and sticks
I'm down the street, turning my
words into see-through bricks
There's a story in the rear of
of every building block you hear
Cus writing's the only way I'm
Wiping these internal tears
Reflect on the aching hearts
I hit hard from past years and
Ask is a deeper passion one
of the only things I fear?
And as I go farther
The crowd is left laugh less
So I'll go home and put this
as my facebook status
Make it say Vance Cunningham
Is one and the same
With the inferno's pain and
the beauty in the flames

(Yea...it takes less time 2 write a poem on here so...voilà)

Listening to: [above many] The F-Word - Cannibal Ox

Far Side (why would you?)

2009-05-17T18:17:00.001-07:00

Listening to: Keep the Fame - Molemen

Just don't do It

2009-05-17T17:17:00.000-07:00

Whyy must people analyze poetry. That could actually go on my list of pet peeves. I really don't see its purpose. A piece is meant to project an initial feeling or story. Whenever my teacher makes us do it, I'm forced to take it apart...unable to put it back together and read it later. Makes me wanna slap her in the face w/her prosthetic arm...
Jus Jokes.

Listening to: Drive- El-P

Miss you.

2009-05-09T19:19:00.000-07:00

Growing up, people took to calling you Pete
To me, you were Papa Wayne and that you'll always be
Reminisce on the duo I never thought would be stopping
From making fam laugh to going movie hopping
All the times you babysat me, and candy was all we ate
And all we did was watch VHS's till it got too late
Back when I was younger, not knowing the pain life has
Confused, seeing you cry when great-grandma passed

Now that days are falling apart, I need a little glue
So I make the paste out of memories of you
Today's the last day I'll ever see you, yet I feel happy
Even though you can't look back, I know your looking down at me
But if I could pray days away and send up one line
It'd be "Have a good time up there papa, and I'll be fine.
See you know I wasn't one of the people that called you Pete
To me your Papa Wayne, and that you'll always be."

On that note, lets blog again.

Listening to: La Di Da - Asher Roth

Born Like This

2009-04-04T18:49:00.000-07:00

DOOM

get it.

Listening to: Batty Boyz - DOOM

FML

2009-03-21T14:15:00.001-07:00

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street.I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous.I kissed her and she immediately smacked me.I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML (fmylife.com)

Really gotta handle my ex situation..
That's a story 4 l8rr.

Listening to: Suicidal Thoughts-Notorious B.I.G.

Token.

2009-03-20T23:05:00.000-07:00

An official swimmer on the Palisades swim team =D
Holding the position as the only black guy I gotta represent...even though I am kinda slow lol.

It's kinda funny tho. They've been like overly nice to me since I got on the team. I mean there's a limit between friendly and like...totally accepting lol. Mayb they just want that "black friend".
I aint mad at cha'.

Listening to: The Girl With The Sun In Her Head - Orbital

Far Side.

2009-03-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

Never disappoints...

Listening to:Fuck You Lucy - Atmosphere

Inconsistency.

2009-03-20T22:45:00.000-07:00

It's a bitch ain't it?

Listening to: Love Thirst- Jean grae

Such a Vance moment.

2009-02-27T22:41:00.000-08:00

Prime kikback.

2009-02-27T21:18:00.000-08:00

Currently: At home chillaxin with minimal action.
Truly tired from 2day.

Went 2 a kikback 4 my friend's 18th last week. Lol don't get me wrong it was a good turnout but...I jus was not feeling it.
I'll try and xplain it the best way possible: I'm in a place where I know mayb about 10 random ppl mixed into a good 50 or 60+. These 10 ppl may barely even remember me but I kno who they are. I get there and migrate 2 a few of them whom I kno remember me. They're already having a convo amongst the people they're familiar with. (which is most of the kikback since almost all of them went 2 the same skools if not the sister skool of it) I know what your thinking...why not be social and meet some new people dumbass?!! Ah ok. I do try and branch out of that solitary comfort zone and strike up that interesting convo. Borderline fail lol. It's not like my social skills are bad; they're probably above average. It's jus kinda like the people there were all talkin about apples and I was talkin about oranges...

Which one doesn't belong? Lol.

I was somewhat social though. Didn't wanna come off as stuck-up with my nose way in the airr. Regardless of it all, nothing bad happened but as you can tell ain't shit good occur 2 me while I was there.

Where's Waldoooo...

Lol lookin @ the pics it should come 2 mind..." Damn, dood really needs to go home." Ya I was thinkin about it but I remembered I told pops 2 head back 2 Gardena at 12. ( I got there at 9 lol.) Honestly, it was better than it looks. Chill people even if we couldn't relate..
Peace and Steez.

Listening to: Wheelz of Steel- Outkast

P.S.

2009-02-14T20:29:00.001-08:00

Don't you hate it when people try to be deep and fail miserably? I just read my last post and 4give me if I qualify as one of them but I genuinely can't stand it. If what your saying barely makes sense or registers in your own mind, it's a slim chance it's going to be any different to everyone else.

The sun just shines down on us with...rays of...orangish and yellowish rays upon our lives...

Not a quote from my mouth but like I said, apologies.

Happy Valentines Day! Lol. Hope it's been a lovely 24hrs for all. No valentine for me this year which is far from a first. Instead, I've been in my bed, listening to my ipod, falling in and out of sleep, sick as a dog. I already had this nasty cough last week but I went swimming yesterday night in 60 degree weather. Now I'm stuck dealing with the results of that.

I've been reading this book called "Thirteen Reasons Why" which is surprisingly good. That's probably not saying much considering I don't read much lol. It's about this girl who kills herself a little bit before the book begins. This guy named Clyde gets 13 cassettes randomly on his porch, each about a person who contributed to why she committed suicide. Since he's one of them, he's told to listen to them or else the tapes are going to be released publicly. Yea...I'm reading a book about a suicidal girl and her experiences on valentines day. That's my life. lol.

As strange as it is, I'm having a bomb vday though. Of course it could be better but nothing too bad is going on in my life right now which is out the norm. Peace&Steez.

Listening to: Fu-Gee-La - The Fugees

I gotta facebook.

2009-02-14T20:25:00.000-08:00

Recently.Maybe two weeks ago from 2day actually...
I don't see the point of it...

Now I have something else to kill the minutes of my life away with when I'm bored.
+ I've never been the one to take a lot of pictures. Any, for that matter.

Listening to: Drive Slow - Kanye West

I'm good.

2009-02-08T13:01:00.000-08:00

I messed up my Friday night/Saturday morning badd. Basically, I went to a dance w/ a girl who knowingly liked me. That whole night I was acting like I felt the same way (holding her hand, putting my arm around her in the limo, etc.) when I didn't. U can go ahead and call me a ass and a jerk but trust me when I say I had a reason. All I wanted to do was make the night the best possible for her. I could've cared less about how I felt personally just as long as she could say she had the best guest (date?) ever. But in the end, the good guy looses...

Live With Them.

As I lay in my bed exploring

The depths of deep thought

Hearing a clock going tick

Then retorting with a tock

With achromatic nines

Aimed at my living color

Shot dead and brought back

Only to be a little bit tougher

Encase my regrets in walls

Built upon past lessons of a

Mindset architect never-

-mind my closet’s skeletons

They seem to rattle louder under

Under my apathetic disguise

Gradually and more frequent

As time passes me by

Hoping my tender heart cooks

As I get mature and get older

And that I digest more truth

Keeping my mind sober

Reflecting on the days

I used to play catch

Throwing out like’s and

To the love’s I couldn’t match

The weather’s bad, the sky’s

Shedding tears for the pain

Gazing out my window

Finding meanings for the rain

As I end all my stories

In slow-mo of me leaving

My conscience under the night

On the pavement bleeding

I lied to another girl too. That's minor shit tho...at least it was. My ex asked me a while back when we were cool, before we went on a no-talking spree "Would you care if I got a boyfriend?" Surprised and mildly angered at the audacity she had to ask that, I simply said no. I mean...I shouldn't right? We broke up cus she wasn't good with commitment so wtf?? I caught her off guard with my response which put a smile on my face. She started asking "Really??" with a little depression or worry in her voice. My answer didn't change. All I did was ask the question back to her to see how she would feel. "Well yea Vance, I'd be a little jealous...but...I guess I'd wish you and her the best." Is she finally over me? Am i truly happy of that? Who cares. I let the days pass by without so much as a call to her...
We're off break and back in skool now. Every time I see her it changes the vibe though. It's like we both know what happened but won't ever bring it up. Maybe she wanted to talk about it when she called and I didn't pick up. Either way, it doesn't matter. A few people r telling me she's wit another dood which I kno to b true. For whatever reason she's hiding the fact of it from me; not like she has to tell me or should but I mean...don't try and be sneaky about it lol. Now I'm stuck missing her..no...a lust for her back, forcing myself to get over it. Idk. I know I shouldn't feel this way and that she hasn't changed so I shut up and let time work all this out.
Girls always want to talk about how all guys are dogs, looking over every dood that just wants that strong, faithful relationship; all those good guys fighting to find the good women. Sadly, most times the good guy looses...

The Man behind the Mask

When an uneducated image

Make the audience ecstatic

Just off his chromatic representation

Of all the shades of blackness

Looked upon as greatness

Through the mask that we made

Hoping when it’s finally off

He’ll still look the same

But it’s not to be twisted

He’s a spectacle of history

Even though if I ask about his

Policies you call it a mystery

I’m just presenting to the blind

By ways of mental overhead

Trying to show the picture

With phonics I project

To the people talking

About the dawn of a new age

That can’t even tell me what’s

Exactly is about to change?

Sixteen years of lectures

Of which some can relate

Sixteen years of lectures

From all over the place

Sixteen years of sparking

Food for thought buffets

Sixteen years of lectures

Saying not to trust just a face

And how we shouldn’t

Judge a man based on race

He got my vote for being black

Well then I guess its okay

Damn. On a brighter note, the new semester starts on mon. CLEANNNNN SLATEEE. So this was essentially my one weekend with no work to do. In the midst of my boredom I made a facebook too. Lol. I don't get the point of this shit though! Ok so now I have something else to check (in addition to myspace) when I'm bored and let it take up the minutes of my life. Super. yea.. Oh and I got another poem on deck since I said I had 3 for ya. I'ma b out though.
Peacee and steez.

Listening to:
Club to Death - Rob Dougan
Saliva - MF Doom
Get Your Roll On - Big Tymers
Feeling It - Jay Z
In a Heartbeat - In the House

Blogless.

2009-01-26T19:27:00.001-08:00

So apparently I can't sign on at my pops house which consequently slowed the blog flow. Sucks. Life as I know it is making small detours left and right. Some good, some bad. I figured as long as I keep my mind straight, overcoming the challenges faced is inevitable.

I went to this thing over the weekend which was pretty much people giving lectures about "enemies of ourselves." Hit me a lot harder than I expected. From that point on I realized my main antagonist in everything I do: fear. It's almost like it's the last big shackle left on me. Since then, I've been trying to hold strong to this anti-fear mentality. It was said that fear is only to be used as a warning signal but we constantly turn it on and off when we please. My goal since then is to suppress mine as much as possible...

Only when we have no fear can we truly live

BTW Don't think I 4got about the poem I promised. I wrote 3 but all of them are on another comp. and I don't feel like typing them up again. I'll get them as soon as possible...

Listening to: Bring da Ruckus - Wu-Tang Clan

President Obama.

2009-01-20T19:39:00.000-08:00

Damn. Thought of it just hit me.

I woke up this beautiful morning and asked myself "If I look back on this day years from now, would I remember a skool day or an inauguration of the 1st black president?"
...needless to say, I played hookie.

The whole thing was awesome. My cousin Nick got to b there in the 20 degree weather behind almost endless groups of people. Still I envy him lol. Through it all I kept worrying about "that catastrophe" happening. Thinking of him standing at the podium, and interrupted mid-sentence by a gun shot. Then all of America has to watch the death of a new found hope following Dr.King type riots times 2. Glad it didn't play out like that.

I still gotta think of a f'n poem 4 english class though so I'll depart. I'll post it when I'm done so you can laugh and think "wow this guy is jokess. (in a bad way)"

Lol l8r.

Listening to: All Black - Big L

Thanks Dinah. [r.i.p.]

2009-01-10T19:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday my pops was supposed to go to his girlfriend's parent's house.
(My dad's been going out with her for about a 9yrs so let's jus call her my "stepmom" 4 time's sake)
Anywho, he was supposed to go visit my "step-grandmother" because she was really sick with cancer and she wanted to see him. I also had this thank you card I wanted to give them for the Christmas gift. He said he was going to wait till traffic went down, which was a reasonable excuse at about 5pm on a friday. 8:30 came rolling along and he's still using this excuse; sitting on his lazy ass watching the game. Of course he could've gone before rush hour, but that would've made too much sense right? It starts pissin me off cus he's acting irresponsible and inconsiderate. Eventually he gets a call from my stepmom saying he doesn't have to go because there're a lot of people there. (wtf?)
So he doesn't go. OK. Fine.
I wake up today finding out he's not at home.
Apparently my step-grandmother, the same one that wanted to see him, passed away this morning. Instead of visiting her last fuckin night, he now has to mourn her death with her family.
Wonder how the traffic was going up there.

Listening to: Tuned Mass Damper - El-P

Born 34yrs off..

2009-01-07T14:21:00.000-08:00

Listening to: June - Copywrite

Black McCain[K]

2009-01-06T21:55:00.000-08:00

So I'm in Sears.
Just walked in.
I see this old guy who looks like a black John McCain.
He's looking at lotto tickets.
I walk past him just as he's bending over to look at the 1's toward to bottom.
He cuts this looouuud ass fart right as I'm behind him.
It scared the shit outta me.
He thought it was funny, laughing as he apologized.
Meanwhile, the right side of Vance is stuck smelling like shitty cabbage.
Bullshit of all bullshits.

Listening to: Breakdown - Wale

Dec. 21 2012

2009-01-06T11:26:00.000-08:00

Lol if u put an exparation date on your life it makes everyday seem that much more valuable...

I need a bucket list.

(wut the hell did he think the bell was gonna do?)

Listening to: The Greatest Pacman Victory in History - Aesop Rock

Yet another for the 5th.

2009-01-05T20:12:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong to base the judgment of whether a man is good or not off the color of his skin?

"I voted for him because he was black?"

Listen to the ideas. Understand his plans.
Know the man beyond how he looks.

I am happy for him tho.

Listening to: (Exchange) - Massive Attack

The Paradox of Choice

2009-01-05T20:07:00.000-08:00

Low expectations is key to happiness.
I don't want to b happy anytime soon.

Listening to: The Choice is Yours - Black Sheep

Why...

2009-01-05T19:49:00.000-08:00

do they have Sonic commercials airing in LA.
I always talk about this and truth be told, it's even starting to get on my nerves. The closest one to me is out in Anaheim. (used to b Palmdale) I don't think I'm going to drive all the way out there for a burger or a shake. No matter how good it is.

...that cookie dough shake does look bomb though.

Listening to: The Narrow Path - Blu&Exile

(untitled)

2009-01-05T01:13:00.000-08:00

So I just recently started getting to Aesop. I heard about him a long while ago and listened to a few tracks but somethin about it didn't get me. I mean I couldn't get into it. Now the dood is getting put in the "great lyricists" bin in my head. My imagination is like a 5yr. stick figure self portrait compared to his freakin mona lisa. And for some odd reason I'm really feelin this album cover to the left. Nuthin emo, if anythin, it is hip-hop right? I love how when Ace spits its like I can't keep up or understand what he's getting at but it sounds so good I can't click next. I think I remember someone saying "just because it doesn't make sense, doesn't mean it doesn't have meaning." That's exactly what its like when you listen. You know there's meaning there, you just can't decipher what it is without hearing the next insightful thing that's coming up. Sounds crazy but look him up.

Who knows what I'ma talk about 2nite.. I guess I should since I'm writing it huh? I don't. As of now I'm currently on a discovery for yet more Aesop. I think I'm just gonna see how long I can write before I crack or fall asleep. Most likely the later. Have you ever had that dream where you end up falling? Whether its off a cliff or your on your way down from tripping of your board. The fall's slow enough to realize its happening has fast enough to where you can't think of anything to do. Then you wake up, freaked out as fuck. Lol yea...really no point there. Jus felt like saying it. I'm trying to maintain this new mentality though that's coming as a result of my resolutions. I'm trying not to trip of shit that I can't do anything about or that's not going to mater to me say 2 years from now. Surprisingly, it's working for the most part. Being stuck at home for a series of days isn't that bad anymore. Girl problems are unheard of right now. The only thing that's on my mind is that I don't neglect or starve out my relationship with people. Whatever happens, happens for a reason. probably the only meaningful thing I've said so far.
If you realize how many teenagers are struggling with there identity, trying to be unique and cool at the same time, you never feel that bad (from the mind of a teen anyway). Walking down a hall, it's like you can see through their threads and kicks right to the insecurity. I think everyone has some to an extent though. Even me, no matter how much I try to deny it. I'm sure I have far less compared to people stuck in trends and can't have a good day without talkin to their friends. And even after the realization of this I feel saddened. This is supposed to be something you figure out when your grown? Coupled with other things, I'm forced to think I'm growing up too fast. I can tell the difference between being a push over and being mature. I can be transparent with someone just off the fact I know I probably won't talk to then in just 5 yrs. I can put myself in other people's shoes easily and admit when I'm wrong. I know I'll never be the center of world so I won't act like I am. I wear hats and clothes I PICK just so i can laugh at what the other kids call cool or hot. I can say my aim's to be a man of God in a crowd of peers without feeling uncomfortable. I willing to say I'll put my mom's word over all except Christ. I know when I need to shut up with authority. I won't pose or front so other people can get the wrong image and reputation of me. Of course, who can't at this age huh...
I hate that. There's probably someone my age reading this who thinks they're already living like this and blow off the words. Like they've already been down this road. I'm sure there are SOME that have, not all. I just hope I'm not one of them. The ones who think they're wise when in fact they're just another clueless sheep among the heard.
As a matter of fact, I'll say this. Don't follow the words or advice I say without considering there may be unwanted consequences to what i tell you. I'm not your mom, I'm not your therapist, I'm probably the person you shouldn't be listening to. I'm far from perfect. Like anyone, all I can do is tell you what I know and base my reasoning off of that. Before I pass on, I do want to be that role model to someone tho. Anyone. I only live to make and arrange the way I'm remembered when I leave this earth.
My eyes are officially in pain lol. Tired as hell. not sure if I said much of anything at all and I don't feel like reading back over it. Apologies for....actually for nuthin lol. What i said, I said. L8r.

Listening to:
None Shall Pass - Aesop Rock
Daylight - Aesop Rock
Protect Ya Neck - Wu Tang Clan
Shimmy Shimmy Ya - Wu Tang Clan

Resolutions

2008-12-31T18:02:00.000-08:00

1. Stop caring what people think. Make your own decisions.
2. Know fear only as a setback.
3. Stop looking at negatives in life. Enjoy the good things.
4. Don't let being lazy hold you back.
5. Have more of a hunger for knowledge.

Listening to: Mo Money, Mo Murder - AZ

Madvillain - All Caps

2008-12-28T18:39:00.000-08:00

rock a chain around my neck
to get me a lil more respect
yea the rocks are right but
they ain't all i got left
like my pockets like my cheeks
which means they always fat
never take em off a diet, keep em
on double-doubles in fact
the dough flows in N out
I need a lil more greens
But nigggas tryna do orders
so I gotta handle the beef
Wait. Lemme cut this out
flowin in blogs ain't dope
U think this shit's wack?
Yea. I'd say so.

Jus F'n around mann. Don't trip.

Listenin to: One Time 4 Your Mind - Nas

NY to Gotham

2008-12-28T13:36:00.000-08:00

If your neighborhood constantly has to deal with being attacked ( sandstorms, crazy goblins on gliders, aliens) and you have to depend on some guy in a spider suit...MOVE.

If your always under attack (guys obsessed with tellin riddles, a crazy man who jokes around a little too much, a senile money-obsessed penguin, etc.) and some dood calling himself "the bat" is expected to save too day a little to often, its time to go.

4 the record, why do they even have a justice league? If superman is said to be invincible, why put a crew together with pretty much weaker versions of his powers (whatever they may be)? One minute he's got x-ray vision, then he can shoot lasers out his eyes. One minute he can breath in space, the next he gettin choked out. Swear if I was flash I'd jus b like "fuck it man, I'm goin solo." If superman's just as fast as him and can get anywhere in the same short amount of time...wtf. Don't really need anyone else.

(yea...random) lol

Listenin to: 22 Two's - Jay-Z

Traditional Man.

2008-12-26T18:22:00.000-08:00

Quick thought. I spent more time around my grandparents than both parents in those delicate stages of childhood growth. I also had 3 sets of grandparents due to my mom's parents splittin up and what not. That's a lotta influence though, if you can imagine. It's like all the teachings, insight, and bad habits got put in a blender. Then after a few years, out comes Vance (my name btw)

Listening to: It Ain't Hard to Tell - Nas

Seven Pounds...

2008-12-25T23:33:00.000-08:00

Saddest movie this year hands down.

Definetly not a christmas flick.

Listening to: Belive - Q Tip

(X)mas

2008-12-25T11:28:00.000-08:00

Christmas mornings don't feel the way they used to. Back in the day, 8 yrs old just waking up from almost a sleepless night to see all the presents under the tree. Of course you know they're not ALL yours but hey, I got sum shit and that's all that matters..lol. I'm not sayin that to say it's gotten worse. If anything, maturity showed me I really can't care what I get. It's not about me. It's not even about what I get people. Its about celebrating Jesus. It's kind of funny how society has taken Jesus out of it though. Stores now have to say "Happy Holidays!" instead of "Merry Christmas!" I have to see so many Santas and reindeer on so many lawns instead of Joseph and Mary and baby J. Anywho, I think I found my new years resolution: stop complaining. L8r.

Listening to: Green Light - John Legend

The Eve.

2008-12-24T20:36:00.000-08:00

Don't really have time to write anything. Need an entry though...hmm. Got it. Here's one of my poems. L8r.

My P.O.I.

Whenever the mind’s blank

We’re prepared to listen and hear

Starving blank pages

I anticipate her whisper in my ear

Appearing when she pleases

Yet I can’t prevent her presence

Tends to present a few presents

Then disappears in a few seconds

Only God can judge me

But I swear I’ll never leave her

She’s my lone testament

And I’m her devoted speaker

Along with mankind’s greatest

Pharaohs, Monarchs, Kings and Queens

Gandhi’s, King’s, Ali’s

Giving the influential skill

Yet some hunt her down

Abusing to be artists

And harvest words for profit

To make bill for bill

She puts my heart on paper

Makes my lyricism ill

These words leak and spill

Yea she’s real, for real

Territorial of my soul

From 92’ till

Revealing construed truth

Like I took the red pill

Her spirit’s physically free

Bodily emancipated

Doesn’t have a set title

So her name’s abbreviated

My Position on Insight

Match my Passion of Intensity

With her Pearl of Influence

And Power of Immensity

Person of Interest to my

Place of Irrigation

Simply put my,

Personification of Inspiration

Listening to: Girls,Girls, Girls - Jay-Z

"Hi! My name is..."

2008-12-23T12:23:00.001-08:00

Q: Why didn't you write yesterday since you said you would try and put down an entry every day?
A: Keyword: TRY. Fell asleep at the keyboard last nite. Get off my jock.

Since we got that out the way, heyy. I'll drop two entries today since I was SOOOOO missed yesterday. But whats on my mind now...not a damn thing. Lookin through my poetry book. Ohh my English class is jokess. OK so I have this teacher (Ms.Hawkes) who believes we need to write poems with these vocab words she gives us every week to xpress out creativity. Not really a bad thing right? Until your that kid who writes that poem thats surprisingly good and gets the teacher all enamored with it. Then all this unwanted attention comes up whenever you read poems to the class; they could be poems you know are bad but now, your xpected to meet the standards of a keen poet lol. I dont feel like writin down the whole thing but I got it saved on my comp. at my pops so I'll copy and paste it there. It's kinda good though (in my opinion). Anywho, my friend's about to stop by so I'm out. L8r.

Listening to: My name is - Eminem

Lmao.

2008-12-21T20:39:00.000-08:00

Life minus Kiy.

2008-12-20T21:42:00.000-08:00

Woww I just realized how long its been since I put down some thoughts. A grip's happened too. Got my permit, school started, got a girlfriend, started writing poetry, started competitive swimming, started taking piano, girlfriend broke up with me, got in a shit load of trouble on my 16th, got back together with the girl, hit Christmas break, broke up with her... Lol all 2gether I received 4 months of knowledge, whatever that's worth. I got a plan though. Being on break and having more time on my hands, I'll put down a daily entry. Not promising anything but I try to be a man of my word.

On a HELLA side note, why did scarfs, tight pants, and skateboards get kool over night?? If I tried to rock a scarf 3 yrs ago, my rep would've been F'd (not that it already wasn't lol). But I mean really? That plus the tight pants? Wasn't that called gay not too long ago? Kanye puts on a scarf in a vid and the sheep start wearin scarfs to funtions calling it fitted. No hate intended but it seems style's become too dependent on what the famous and "cool" are wearing. Not that it wasnt like that before, but not like it is 2day. Lol and about the return of the skateboards is I tried to get into skateboarding in elementary. I sucked and got teased the hell out of. Not bcus i was bad, just because it was looserish (new word). Needless to say, I stopped. I go allll the way through the rest of elementary and Jr. High and reach my fresh yr. in High school. Pharell's "Can I have it like that" dropped a little bit before that I think. Next thing I know all the black kids are fascinated with how one of them can do a kickflip. Swear, Kanye and Pharell are like the urban Jesus to some of us. But yea, at that point I realized it was pointless to follow trends. Unless u tryna pull girls, in which case it matters lol. I jus feel more accomplished when I get one with out the material shine. Dope.

Anywho, I'm outty like a belly button showing a lil somethin. Lol but yea, l8r.

Listening to: Nights like This - Edo G

To Kiyah:
If your reading this, sorry things turned out the way they did. Wish it wasn't just a waste of your time or that we could've found that step to move us on. Hope you work everything out if your still feeling down. Thank you for all the good times we had and for being so transparent with me. As of right now, I can't guarantee we're ever gonna talk again and I'm sure you can say the same. Just wish it could've been different...

To everyone who just read that:
Wtf? I couldve sworn I said that was for KIYAH. Nosy bastards. (then again I did put my bis out there)